I had a moment of clarity the other day. I had decided to plan to do something different. My plan? Dress up a little, take Ada with me and head downtown to the big market and do some shopping that I can't do here in our smaller town. The market is gorgeous, I love to walk downtown, and I needed to do some scouting for my middle's upcoming birthday. I would visit with a friend for coffee for a little while after dropping kids off, then make it downtown by the time stores opened at 10:00am.
I knew I was in trouble when I heard my youngest partying at 5:30am in her crib.
A trip downtown with a toddler who crashed by 11:00am? Maybe I need to rethink plans.
Nah, it'll be fine, I think.
Then I remember that I can't leave our elderly dog in the car for that many hours without checking on her.
Well, maybe if I take her home after coffee it would only be a few hours in the kennel.
Oh yeah, I have to do my grocery shopping early or all the fresh produce will be picked over by early afternoon. And Saturday morning was out because we had other commitments. Stores are closed Sunday.
Coffee and grocery shopping? I'm not going to make it downtown or if I do, I need a stroller in case by some miracle, Ada falls asleep. But then the dog will be in the kennel too long...
At 7:45am, I decide to load the dog in the car, take the kids to school, and think about it on the way.
It hit me as I picked the dog up to load her in my beast of an SUV.
Covered in dog hair.
In my nice shiny khakis and strappy sandals.
Square peg. Round hole.
This is not a good plan.
I wonder if this happens with other moms when their last child is approaching preschool age. I'm starting to look forward and explore ideas about returning to the workforce in some form. I start thinking about wearing a shirt that requires ironing and trading the diaper bag for something that does not have a spill proof coating on it.
What would I do? (Mom, can I have a banana?)
Who on earth would hire me? (Mom, where are my shin guards?)
How great would it be to start my own business? (Mom, I forgot to tell you that I need to bring sticks for school tomorrow...)
Where was I?
Oh wait, the question is, where do I need to be right now?
I have three young children, a seriously devoted husband, and one elderly dog. Maybe if I quit trying to look forward so far, I would take a little more time to enjoy these last few years of young kiddos and a precious pound pup who is going on 14 years old.
Peanut butter hands.
Potty training.
Reading board books.
Finger painting.
Playing on the floor.
Walks in the neighborhood.
So, while I look forward to thinking about a time when I will serve others as well as my family, for now, I need to sit my hiney down and focus on the job I have today. I am exceptionally blessed and have the choice to stay home with our children. I love my job, even when I don't like it some days. I will continue to book those date nights, and I will cherish that early bedtime that allows me to read and dream a bit, but perhaps my heart will lighten when I embrace where I am today.
Tomorrow will come before I blink.
I heard a wonderful lesson from a mentor mom a few weeks ago. She gave a message about God wanting us to choose life, but not in the controversial meaning of the phrase.
But choose to live fully.
Each day.
From mundane chores to cheering the soccer player to making pea soup in a crock pot.
With grace and love.
So as I have struggled these past few weeks about what my purpose is for our family here, whom I should serve, with what groups should I be involved, I have had heard the message.
Keep it simple.
If I will listen for Him, and be patient, I will have the path.
So I will put the square peg aside.
